


How Do I Tell You

by SpunSugar



Series: Asexual Yuuri and/or Victor [1]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Affection, Anxiety, Asexual! Yuuri, Coming Out, Fluff, M/M, Multi, Post-Engagement, Promises, Rings, Victor is not, Yuuri is asexual, break-up scare, gentle angst, in which Victor is worrying about something completely different lol, soothing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-10
Updated: 2018-10-10
Packaged: 2019-07-28 23:36:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16252109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpunSugar/pseuds/SpunSugar
Summary: The moment Yuuri had been dreading had arrived. He was terrified of telling Victor how he felt about sex. He didn't want to lose him, not now. But he also didn't want to keep holding onto this secret. It felt like stealing Victor from the rest of the world. So he had to do it.





	How Do I Tell You

“Don’t be shy, Yuuri,” Victor cooed. “I think we’ve passed the point of bashfulness, don’t you?”

Yuuri squirmed where he was pinned to the hotel bed under his partner, shivering as Victor’s breath tickled his ear.

“V-Victor, actually-”

Victor pulled back, balancing himself on Yuuri’s hips, taking a moment in attempt to still his irregular breathing.

“What is it? Should I stop?”

Yuuri felt a crushing dread descend upon him, causing a physical pain in his chest. He nodded, slowly.

This was it. There was no more putting it off. Everything would soon be over between them.

Victor hurriedly clambered off of him, a bit self-conscious now about his unrequited arousal.

“Did I hurt you?” he asked, concerned by the grave expression on Yuuri’s face.

Yuuri refused to meet his eyes.

“No, of course not.”

“What happened, _vozlublenni_? I thought we were having a good time.” Victor raised a hand to touch Yuuri’s face, searching. “If you’re not up to it tonight, I can wait.”

It seemed to take all of Yuuri’s effort to respond, because he was noticeably starting to shake.

Now Victor was really worried. His instinct was to take Yuuri in his arms, but he was terrified of making it worse. What had he done wrong?? Up until that point, Yuuri had seemed to be enthusiastically responding to everything he’d done.

“The thing is…” Yuuri was choosing his words as if he thought his life depended on it. “I don’t know that I’ll… ever be up for it.”

Yuuri let the heaviness of his words sink into them. The room was so quiet. He was drowning in it.

“Oh.”

Victor’s voice was so emotionless that Yuuri instantly regretted opening his mouth. He would almost rather die than feel this- the inevitability of letting Victor down. The most important person in his life.

“When did you… start to feel this way?” Victor’s unnatural calmness was unbearable to witness.

“I don’t know,” Yuuri mumbled. “Since forever, I guess.”

Victor seemed to retract into himself and Yuuri was so scared he was going to get up and leave without another word, but he stayed.

“I guess I first… realized it in junior high,” Yuuri’s voice came out as a weak chirp.

Victor blinked, suddenly lost.

“Realized… what? I don’t follow you.”

Yuuri didn’t know whether it was better or worse that he had to try to do this in English. Part of him was ashamed to explain it, but Victor deserved to know. Yuuri’s ears were burning but he barely noticed.

“I’ve never… wanted to do this, with anyone. I’ve never…” Yuuri gestured pathetically, unable to elaborate. “I thought, maybe it was because I’d never been in love with anyone before. I just hadn’t met the right person… but then I met you.” Yuuri was clenching his fists so hard, fingernails digging in.

Victor was breathing again, a small bit of hope restored, though he still wasn’t sure he understood.

“I should have told you sooner, I just didn’t know how. It seemed like you’ve been looking forward to it and I… It’s alright if you don’t want to deal with that. I won’t hold it against you. I know it’s- it’s a human need. I would never want you to be unsatisfied,” Yuuri mumbled. “I’d just… rather say it sooner than later, if it’s not going to work. I don’t think I could handle it, watching you slowly become disappointed in me.”

“You’re not… breaking it off between us?” Victor managed. He really wasn’t sure at this point.

“W-What? No. I mean, I don’t… don’t want to, but, I’ll accept whatever you think is bes-” Yuuri trailed off, caught off-guard by Victor’s indignant expression.

“Yuuri, you’re awful! You really scared me!”

Yuuri was shocked by Victor shaking him feebly by both shoulders.

“I don’t understand what you’re talking about, but why in the world do you think I would want to end things?” Victor demanded.

“B-because I… I don’t want to have sex.”

Victor practically fell off of the bed, clutching his heart.

“Is _that_ all?”

Yuuri was impossibly red now, thoughts stuttering.

“Well you… you’ve made it clear that it’s something that you want to do…”

There was something reassuring about the scene that Victor was making, but Yuuri couldn’t allow himself to relax just yet.

“You don’t care? Really?” he asked over Victor’s exasperated gasps. “You know I mean forever, right?”

Victor was too relieved at the moment to worry about 5 seconds into the future, let alone forever.

“Yuuri, Yuuri,” Victor sounded like he was pleading for mercy. “Is this what you’ve been keeping from me all this time?”

Yuuri nodded, guilt flooding in to replace anxiety. His shaking began to calm.

Victor didn’t want to leave him?

“But what about your,” Yuuri glanced fleetingly, nervously, at Victor’s groin, “Needs?”

Victor, usually so brazen, sheepishly dragged a pillow over his crotch.

“I will take care of that. Don’t you worry.”

“I’ve thought about it a lot,” Yuuri said solemnly. “If you… really want to stay together, if you want to see other people- for _that-_ I won’t get jealous _,_ ” he promised, then flushed even darker. “Well, maybe I would, a little, but I’d get over it. I just want you to be happy.”

Victor suddenly gathered Yuuri up with one arm, pulling him close to his chest. It was so warm. Yuuri leaned into him hesitantly.

“We’ll figure something out.” Victor’s voice was soothing, confident. “Yuuri, I just want to be with you. Just like this.”

In the past, when constant training had made having a sex life all but impossible, Victor and Chris had messed around- that was their arrangement: something purely platonic between friends and competitors. It seemed to be enough for Christophe at the time, but after a while, Victor found himself feeling as lonely as he’d been before they’d started.

Meaningless sex had become easily attainable for Victor as his status as an athlete had risen, but it had never quite satisfied, even when the sex was good. It had always been lacking something. But what, Victor never knew. So he’d tried and tried, and tried, and finally he’d given up on seeing anyone, resigning himself to the fact that Makkachin would be the only company in his bed for the rest of his life.

Until Yuuri.

Yuuri’s eyes were filling up with fat, glittering tears, now.

Victor startled, unsure what to do, his hands frantically patting down every part of Yuuri’s body.

“Yuuri- why-”

“Sorry,” Yuuri choked, laughing at Victor’s panic and rubbing a sleeve roughly across his cheeks before any more tears could escape. “I just. I just want to be enough for you.”

“You are, you are,” Victor began pressing reassuring kisses across Yuuri’s face and hands. Feather-light and tickly, they made Yuuri melt. “From the moment you first captured my attention, I knew that I would never be able to take my eyes off of you.”

Yuuri buried his face in the front of Victor’s sweater, the rumble of Victor’s voice making his chest hum against Yuuri’s skin. Yuuri wasn’t sure what to feel. He was feeling it all at once- fear, relief, an ache in his chest, Victor’s arms around him... He couldn’t think of anything more to say, but it didn’t matter, because Victor lifted their hands to the light coming in from the fluorescent bulbs outside the window, into the silver stream stretching over top of the beds, the walls.

Their rings reflected the dim light, amplifying it. Victor traced the ring on Yuuri’s finger with such care that Yuuri almost started crying again. He fought it back, feeling prideful.

“It may be selfish of me,” Victor said, voice heavy with a seriousness that rarely emerged around Yuuri and those who knew him well enough, “But I only care that you stay by my side.”

Yuuri nodded with effort, and kept nodding.

“I will.”

“Please,” Victor breathed, tightening his hold on Yuuri, and Yuuri squeezed back.

“I will. I won’t ever leave your side.”

They fell asleep clinging to each other, whispering their need for one another, overflowing with a sense of security which neither of them had ever felt before. It wasn’t quite that either of them made the other complete; together they’d found again and again that they had the ability to strengthen themselves.

Yuuri vowed that he would try to see himself through Victor’s eyes, and to remember what _he_ had been able to do for Victor. He wasn’t alone in his feelings. They helped each other.

And the rings were a constant reminder.


End file.
